Do you think anybody out there takes Herman Cain seriously? Exactly! But why is he still here?

Every four years, we bring to life a candidate that provides us great entertainment and amusement, similar to a national piñata. The media gravitates towards him, he becomes the talk of the town, and manages to become the most memorable one in televised debates. Remember Ross Perot, Alan Keyes, Sarah Palin, and George W. Bush? Well, somehow the last one got loose and made it to the White House. Twice.

This presidential campaign is no different. We need a cartoon character. A nut. Perhaps a “Black Walnut,” which he proudly calls himself.  Herman Cain fits the bill and wears the costume well.

First off, his overly regressive 9-9-9 flat tax plan is completely ludicrous. It would put the economy on a tailspin by introducing a new federal sales tax in addition to your state tax [New Yorkers, think about dishing out close to 20% on your purchases], overtaxing the middle class, and undertaxing big business. I can’t see any respectable economist endorsing it.

Second, his campaign trail resembles more of a national book tour. Perhaps his next debate should be televised at a Barnes and Nobles. Sharpie? …  anyone?

Third, are we thirsty for more sex scandals? Hasn’t Wu, Weiner, Lee, Souder, Massa, and Ganley – and this is just for the current year I’m talking about – quenched our thirst and sexual curiosity?

Just like the fairy tale wedding of Kim Kardashian and that football player, Cain’s popularity will come to an end. In the course of our grieving, we may experience fond memories the next time we hear “Amazing Grace,” or when biting into a slice of pizza. We may recall our “Black Walnut” when watching one of the “Godfathers,” or even chuckle when suffering from a peanut allergy. But in a few months, he will quickly fade into our short-term memories.

But before he does, let us now reflect on some Cain wisdom: “When they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say you know, I don’t know. Do you know?”

Well, I hope you WOULD, Mr. President.

But like most visitors to D.C., Herman Cain’s journey will end up at the gates of the White House. Locked.